Carlolson, 52

Absurdist and Intelligent I used to do a fair amount of stand up. I used to close with this one of these two jokes

I have a friend whose wife is a kindgarten teacher. I love her to death but she always talks to you like you're five years old. (slide into a feminine motherly voice pitched to a five year old) I've always wondered what it would be like if she was in a position of power, like say the secretary general.

"Palestine what did we say about taking things from Israel!... Oh... Israel is that your land? I don't care if you've been playing with it."



As a child I loved reading the Guinness Book of World Records. I was particularly drawn to the peculiar records. Like the world's largest tumor... this woman had a tumor that weighed 278 pounds.

So...What this means is that at some point, say when the tumor was, oh, 200 pounds, she said to herself "Well, maybe it will go away by itself."

Or maybe she went to the doctor and the doctor said "Well, we COULD remove it, but, you know, you're awfully close to the record. Can't you wait it out?"

Uproarious laughter then...Thank you very much folks!